A Millennial's Reaction To Fall Out Boy's We Didn't Start The Fire Cover, Line By Line

White rhinos, gone extinct

In the tradition of many millennials before me, I had to do a project in middle school that involved the Billy Joel song, We Didn’t Start The Fire. I can’t remember what meds I took this morning but I do remember every lyric to this day because, honestly, it hits, and also, that’s how my brain works. So you can imagine my excitement when I heard last night that one of the all-time Bands of My Youth, Fall Out Boy, had done their own cover, covering events from 1989-2023.

I will not take more than three sentences to defend Fall Out Boy as good music, because I’m neither able to be objective on this topic or a music critic. I simply was born in 1991 and thus in 2003 I TOO had very strong feelings and lot of rage as a 12 year old Catholic-school educated pubescent girl. Patrick Stump is also a vocalist that could end the world as we know it if he wanted to and he just doesn’t out of benevolence, which is kind of fucking sick. Thanks, man.

As someone born in 1991, these are all things that have happened in my lifetime almost exactly. They made some interesting choices in what to include, and i’m kind of like a funny bitch or whatever (coping with extreme anxiety and chronic illness), so i’m gonna take you through my reaction to every single event they cite in their cover.

Let’s fucking go.

The song starts off pretty much exactly the same musically because it’s a cover.

As I mentioned, I am not a music critic.

So. The first verse.

Captain Planet, Arab Spring is a hell of a way to start. For those unfamiliar, Captain Planet and the Planeteers was a cartoon about saving the planet that premiered in 1990. Clearly, no adults were paying attention except for like, Al Gore. I know Al Gore got high as hell and watched Captain Planet.

Arab Spring, a series of protests, anti-government demonstration, and armed rebellion by Middle Eastern countries started by Tunisia, was bloody and scary and probably very unpleasant to live through, so I’m just not gonna make a joke about it. This one happened in the early 2010s, however, so we’re not going chronologically here; these boys are hopping around the past 4 decades.

L.A. Riots, Rodney King refers to the acquittal of four policemen who viciously beat Rodney King to death. No jokes to make. Just an appropriate reaction to a notoriously corrupt police department. This is an anti-cop publication, by the way, so if you’re a cop, you not only have to leave, but you have to tell me you’re a cop first so I know.

Deepfakes, earthquakes is so perfect. What a perfect line. They’re both scary and they both happen all of the time in scary new ways. Well done, whichever one of the fall out boys wrote this.

Iceland Volcano got me. I didn’t know what this was referring to at all. Turns out, that’s probably because there’s like five Iceland volcanoes that have erupted in the time between 1989 and 2023. The most recent eruption was of the Fagradalsfjall volcano, which ended August 24th, 2022. Did anyone else but icelanders know about this?? Am I dumb? I am online constantly and I had no idea this was a thing, so thanks, Mr. Boys.

Oklahoma City Bomb refers to the bombing of Alfred P. Murrah Federal Building in downtown Oklahoma City, which was, again, not fun. The guy who did it is died in 2001 so nobody even got to celebrate his death on Twitter. Sad event all around.

Kurt Cobain, Pokémon is exactly the kind of team up i’d expect from whoever writes Fall Out Boy lyrics. I doubt I have to explain who Kurt Cobain or Pikachu is here, but if you’re confused, Google is always there. I wish Kurt Cobain could have played Pokémon. He would have been so cute playing Pokémon Go w/ Frances Bean as like a middle aged to older man. That’s the future I like to imagine Kurt would have had. He seemed like a sad, but also silly, guy. Rest in peace.

I don’t have to explain why Pokémonis included. Millennials wrote this.

Tiger Woods, MySpace is also a fabulous line. Tiger Woods is mostly famous for doing really fucking good golf while not white, like groundbreaking golf shit, and being a professional public mess. He was actually just accused of 15 years of sexual harassment in May 2023, so uh, he will maybe also be in the next cover of this song that, idk, 5 Seconds Of Summer or some comparable band does in 30 years.

MySpace was just. Chef’s kiss. We didn’t know what we had, man. I’m sorry, Tom. We left you. We shouldn’t have. I had MIA’s Paper Planes bumping on my profile in high school. I was out here coding my own backgrounds. Where did that knowledge go? Can I get it back?!?

Monsanto, GMOs is a topic I have no expertise in whatsoever, so here is the description Google gave me for anyone who’s also unfamiliar: “In a case that ran from February 1984 through October 1987, Monsanto was the defendant in the longest civil jury trial in U.S. history, Kemner v. Monsanto. The case involved a group of plaintiffs who claimed to have been poisoned by dioxin in 1979 when a train derailed in Sturgeon, Missouri.” So that sounds pretty bad.

GMOs refers to genetically modified organisms and it’s probably the reason our mass produced food tastes mid. You can thank capitalism for that one probably.

Harry Potter, Twilight is a line that needs no explanation. You could not walk six feet without seeing something related to both of those things when they came out in their respective time frames (Harry Potter late 90’s/early aughts, Twilight , 2005 and 2008 when the movies started coming out). I couldn’t think of a word the other day so in place of a real word I said Expelliarmus. Anyway, I love trans people, so fuck J.K. Rowling. The lady who wrote Twilight was basically just writing Mormon porn. Google it. You’re welcome.

Michael Jackson dies is uh, yep. He did do that. It was right around the time people were making constant jokes about him (they still do - let his weird ass rest) and I remember a whole lot of people shutting up REAL quick. Rest in peace to a dude who lived a hard, bizarre life. Sorry people sucked.

Nuclear accident, Fukushima, Japan is one I only know about because a portion of the sales of one of the Lush products we sold while I worked there went to rebuilding playgrounds in Fukushima. The Fukushima disaster was caused by an earthquake/tsunami and led to the most severe nuclear disaster since Chernobyl. Not funny. No jokes. Sad as fuck.

Crimean Peninsula is one that I had to google. It got annexed by The Russians and that is terrible. No jokes. Just war being hell.

Cambridge Analytica did something very bad with our data but I have a brutal cold right now and that Wikipedia page looked like Greek to me, so this is one where i’m sending you off to figure it out. But thanks for helping educate the kids (but not me), FOB.

Kim Jong Un is the new guy who runs North Korea. When I was growing up, Kim Jong Il was my Kim Jong. I don’t want to get disappeared or W*rmbiered so that’s all I’m gonna say. Lookin’ sharp, man!

Robert Downey Jr., Iron Man is a great line because yeah. He sure did have his little comeback and then play Iron Man. Good for him. He was way fucking better in Zodiac as Paul Avery, though, if we’re talking favorite RDJ performances.

That is the end of the first verse.

(Imagine the original chorus but sung by Patrick Stump)

SECOND VERSE. DIFFERENT THAN THE FIRST.

More war in Afghanistan Yeah. We did that for WAY too long and now there are entire tv shows about all the people who have PTSD from a useless war. I’m not saying it was worth it because we got Barry out of it. I’m just saying it had an impact. Go watch Barry, anyway, it’s really good.

Cubs go all the way again is a line that means nothing to me. I don’t even know what sport the Cubs play. Unless it’s Philly sports I do not know it. I’m sorry. (Except Dallas. I know I hate Dallas.)

Obama, Spielberg is a cool line bc they’re both really rich guys who did a couple great things and will be fine during the rapidly oncoming climate crisis so. Cool. Good for those guys. Thanks for the history, Obama, the year you won ruled and sort of universal healthcare kicks ass. The drone shit was bad and you should have codified Roe and made RGB retire, but you are the swaggiest president we’ve ever had.

I don’t care much for nerding out about directors and films so I have nothing to say to or about Spielberg. Idk if i’d recognize him on the street. He could have made E.T. cuter. E.T. deserved to be cuter.

Explosion, Lebanon is one that like, guys, you gotta say Explosion IN Lebanon if that’s what you’re talking about. Yall just talking about explosions in general or one in Lebanon??? There’s room for an ‘in’ in the song. Anyway, yeah, there was an explosion in Beirut in August of 2020. Forgiving myself for not knowing about this one because that was the same year the CIA was like “aliens are real” and we were all like “yeah ok? what do you want me to do?” and also WAP may or may not have come out around that exact time, so. The internet was busy.

Unabomber, Bobbitt, John is a very creative way to mention John Bobbitt and not Lorena, who did nothing wrong and should be protected forever. The Unabomber is dead now as of July 2023, so that one was timely. Both those guys sucked but at least someone cut one of their penises off. I’ll let you Google that one if you’re unsure which bc they don’t deserve even this much space on my page.

Bombing, Boston Marathon is, once again, just really sad. Some dudes bombed the Boston Marathon in 2013. Fuck those guys. No jokes, just sad.

Balloon Boy, War on Terror is a real dichotomy here. Incredible contrast. Balloon Boy was some parents pretending their son was stuck in a balloon when he absolutely was not in 2009. Meanwhile, the War on Terror is a misnomer for “A War George W. Bush started bc of his dad’s beef that cost us thousands of lives and trillions of dollars and changed absolutely nothing”. Lame.

Qanon…. I don’t have to explain Qanon. I don’t think I could if I tried. It continues to change every time JFK Jr. doesn’t come back from the dead or whatever. They just keep moving the goalposts. It’s exhausting.

Trump gets impeached twice and they’re right, he sure did! Not a single other president but him. Dumbass.

Polar bears got no ice is the saddest line in a Fall Out Boy song. Any Fall Out Boy song.

Fyre Fest, Black Parade was a poorly planned festival that will live in the history books as one of the biggest scams of all time. That was one of the biggest opportunities we had to just eat the rich but nooooooo, we had to go get them with airplanes and shit. Ugh.

Black Parade could be referring to My Chemical Romance or Beyoncé’s Black Parade and I choose to believe they’re honoring both.

Michael Phelps, Y2K is an odd combo. Michael Phelps got reprimanded for ripping a bong while being an Olympic swimmer and Y2K was people thinking the computers were gonna reset and all the data would be lost when we hit the year 2000. Everything was literally completely fine. Both kinda womp womp boring at the end of the day.

Boris Johnson, Brexit is a fitting duo given that he’s the one that Brexited them I think. All I know about that guy is his hair is actively fighting to leave his head and he partied during Covid. Seems corny. Brexit seems pretty not good, too, but i’m an American, so i’m busy worrying about 100 other things and I cannot force myself to care.

Kanye West And Taylor Swift refers to the one of two times Kanye was publicly right- Beyoncé did have one of the best music videos of all time and George Bush does not care about black people. Oh, and that interview where he said “I love some of the Gaga songs, but what the fuck does she know about cameras?”

Stranger Things, Tiger King refers to two television programs, one I have watched and one I have not. Because I’m a longtime fan of Last Podcast On The Left, i’ve known about Joe Exotic for years, which I (probably very annoyingly) told every single person I talked to when Tiger King came out . Of course I watched it. It was exactly what we all needed at that time and even hearing the two words together gives me mild PTSD flashbacks to wondering if the world was gonna end.

I don’t give a flying fuck about Stranger Things, but it did make Kate Bush popular among the youth, and I have to give it its’ flowers for that.

Ever Given, Suez is a line that ABSOLUTELY took me out. Wholly. Fully. Entirely. Out. This line, of course, refers to the heavily memed ship, the Ever Given, which was stuck in the Suez Canal in 2021 for a number of days I can’t remember. The funniest thing I saw about it at the time was a friend of a friend, after the ship had been freed, saying “I miss the ship. Put it back”. Because I agree. It was hilarious. Put it back.

The third verse is next. I have ADHD and a brutal cold and brain fog so it might get a little wacky from here on out. This seemed like a good idea when I started.

THE THIRD VERSE

Sandy Hook, Columbine are just sad mass shootings. No jokes. Just thoughts and prayers I guess. Still. To this day.

Sandra Bland and Tamir Rice are a black woman and black man, both unjustly detained & killed by police. Rest in power.

ISIS, Lebron James is a real switcheroo vibe-wise. ISIS did beheading videos of American journalists. Lebron James is a basketball player who sometimes acts and actually is pretty ok at it. Shoutout Lebron.

Shinzo Abe, blown away refers to the former Prime Minister of Japan getting, well, blown away, in 2022. Sad. No jokes.

Meghan Markle, George Floyd refers to a former princess who was bullied out of the royal family due to racism & George Floyd, a black man who was murdered in 2020 on camera by a white police officer, which sparked riots and protests all around the country. No jokes. Neither deserved what they got. Fucking awful.

Burj Khalifa, Metroid refers to the Burj Khalifa, a massive building in Dubai built by South Asian workers who weren’t paid fairly and worked under brutal conditions to build the structure. Metroid is an old school video game. I think. I’m past the point of googling things that I’m pretty sure are just video games or something. Fuck yeah Metroid I hope you guys loved it

Fermi paradox is something that I had no idea what it was. Like no clue. So here’s how Wikipedia explained it: “The Fermi paradox is the discrepancy between the lack of conclusive evidence of advanced extraterrestrial life and the apparently high likelihood of its existence. As a 2015 article put it, "If life is so easy, someone from somewhere must have come calling by now.",” I have hit the point where I am incapable of retaining any more information but i’m pretty sure the CIA already told us there’s aliens so like… I think we’re good?

Venus and Serena are two historically incredible tennis players and human beings in general and I hope they have the happiest lives they possibly can because they’re excellent. That’s all I got. Legends. You know about them. How could you not?

Michael Jordan, 23 is referring to, i’m assuming, the fact that Jordan’s number was 23. If i’m wrong, I’m sorry. I’ve been writing this since 10:30 am. I’m not looking it up.

YouTube killed MTV is a funny line bc like, yes. Vevo is the only one releasing music videos. MTV plays Ridiculousness literally from day to night. Not even Cribs reruns. I hate them for not playing old episodes of Next sometimes for nostalgia.

Spongebob is like, YO. HELL yeah. Spongebob took over the culture and never left. He’s still here. I love that weird shit. Even at 31 big years of age.

Golden State Killer got caught is one I personally want to take credit for because I always felt there was more than enough evidence to get him somehow and I was right. Plz disregard the cops who solved the case. It was all me.

Michael Jordan, 45 I straight up don’t know. Did he change his number? Are they celebrating that he turned 45? If I could still Google things of consequence I would, but I have been doing this for hours. Shout out to Jordan. People love your shoes. I love your memes, sir.

Woodstock ‘99 sounds like the kind of place I would go if I wanted to be stampeded to death by a crowd of people covered in mud and human feces. It certainly was news. No, I will not be watching the documentary. Maybe in ten years or whenever I muster the strength to care.

Keaton Batman, Bush v. Gore refers to Michael Keaton’s Batman, which I’ve never seen but i’ve always assumed was the best and hottest, and the election that got stolen by Republicans and installed George W. Bush in the White House to be the dumbest, funniest war criminal ever for 8 years.

I can’t take it anymore and guys neither can I but I am going to finish this if it’s the last thing I do. I swear to god.

THE LAST VERSE, GOD BLESS

Elon Musk, Kaepernick refers to Colin Kaepernick, a basketball player who took a knee to protest police brutality and was reamed out by everyone for it even though he was 100% correct. He deserved better. Still does. I hope he’s happy.

Elon Musk is a rich man who has bought a lot of things and then ruined them all via neglect, which is also what he does to his 35 children and 16 ex wives. He was born with the ribcage of a small whale and the body of a flattened alien seal. He can only go out in the sun maybe once per year, so it’s not recommended that you look directly at him if you see him outside as it may cause blindness combined with his awful hair plugs.

Elon Musk is Kendall Roy without the drugs or family that can tolerate spending time with him. Elon Musk is an example of how people think having money means you’re smart. He is not. He’s just rich and has lawyers who know how to buy the title of Founder for the companies he owns. He has done nothing on his own. I wish him well only so he can stop bothering the public, who will never like him, and go enjoy his life.

Texas Failed Electric Grid refers to the time the electrical grid in Texas failed during a snowstorm and all the rich people left all the poor people to die, including notable political ghoul Ted Cruz, who left his dog home alone during a snowstorm. Terribly tragic event. No jokes except at Ted Cruz’s expense.

Jeff Bezos, climate change is great because I love when the first one begat the second one. Jeffrey Bezos is a short, boring rich man, but don’t fuck with him because he’s on his Ozempic/steroid combo and has even more time to try to become immortal now that he’s not running Amazon. Bo Burnham wrote a song about him once and it was better than anything Bezos himself ever did, and it wasn’t even that good of a song, so. Yeah. We don’t like him.

Climate change is why I can now grow zinnias all the way into November in the northeast now. Also why Jersey now has tornadoes and LA now has rainstorms. Remember seasons? Anybody? Goddamn, it was dope to have seasons.

White rhino goes extinct is something I didn’t know happened, so thanks for keeping me posted, Fall Out Boy. I miss them already now that I know they’re gone.

Great Pacific garbage patch is an alternate name for Jeffrey Epstein’s island. I’m kidding! It’s the result of people, by which I mean corporations (at least in America), being careless and polluting the ocean. I think I read somewhere that it had be debunked maybe but again, i’m so far past googling at this point. It’s a bunch of trash in the pacific ocean that does synchronized swimming. I don’t know.

Tom DeLonge and aliens is the funniest line in the entire song. This was absolutely noteworthy enough to include in a time capsule style tune. Beautiful work.

Mars Rover, Avatar refers to one thing that is cool and sent us pictures of Mars and one thing that is a movie franchise about people who are blue and have sex via their hair. You figure out which is which.

Self-driving electric cars refers to some shit that scares me half to death. Please don’t. We are in no way ready for self-driving electric cars. Stop it. Can we get like all the other scary shit under control first? *Please*?

S S R Is, and yes, that is how it is sung, one beat per letter, refers to drugs that help people not be depressed. No real opinion. I’m on one. It’s fine. I’m still doing stuff like this for fun, but that’s just because i’m unemployed.

Prince and The Queen die refers to the normal old age death of the Queen of England and, regrettably, the untimely and tragic passing of the musician Prince. God took the wrong prince. That is all I am going to SAY.

World Trade, second plane actually makes sense to say bc it was once the second plane hit that people realized it was an act of terrorism, but they follow this with “what else do I have to say?” and like, honestly, a lot. They missed a lot.

But it was fun. I had fun. I learned things. I’m exhausted and posting this unedited. Love you all.